JIM DEMINT REPUBLICANS DUMB DOWN- AGAIN

Election fever is in the air!

Rumor has it the new republican dream team of Christine O'donnell and Terry Jones has the support of  SC senator Jim Demint. Demint only has to iron out who will be President and Vice President. Jones can deliver Florida, but O'donnell is cuter.

Unnamed sources say the mysterious Koch brothers will put up the billion dollars necessary for the long tv campaign (in return for being able to pollute the entire Mississippi river and all of it's tributaries), and Rupert Murdock will do the publicity on his new Fox show "The News Before it Happens- the Sara Palin adventure".

The christian right is on board with their new "republican beatitudes", a few of which were leaked:

         Blessed are they that mourn, for they shall see Ronald Regan
         Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit with no inheritance tax
         Blessed are those who make war, for their Halliburton stock shall quadruple
         Blessed are the pure in heart, for they are suckers and easy to exploit
         Blessed are they who tithe, for they make us rich and keep us on tv
         Blessed are the lobbyists, for they confuse the issues

The only issue remaining is the rumor that Terry Jones (the fundamentalist christian preacher and would-be Koran burner), after some very interesting phone calls from all over the world, has decided to convert to Islam.

Of course if this happens Jim Demint will be in the dog house with the Republican right and his career will suffer, but golly, even Republicans make mistakes sometimes, and he can always call his mentor Tom Delay to get back on track-

Hallelujah brother!

Simplest solution: Buy a republican!

One really cool way to break the gridlock in Washington over social legislation has been overlooked. Buying votes. Yes, buying votes. It's not really cheating anymore. Even the Supreme Court is on board. Banking interests, insurance companies, and all the Harvard Business School types do it without remorse, so why shouldn't the common folk get in on it? One good example is my senator, Jim Demint of South Carolina. He votes straight down the line with his top contributors-banking, energy, health insurers, and the thing is he really sells himself short. Each of them only pay about a hundred thousand or so into his coffers every election cycle, according to his records (opensecrets.com). That's really cheap compared to the return they get- the right to steal the people of South Carolina blind, quietly and legally.

If the democrats would take their money and spend it on securing republican votes, we would certainly get some bills passed. If you can't beat a republican, buy one. If 100,000 people each would send a check for just $10.00 (call it a campaign contribution) along with a strong statement on each bill they wanted passed, that would be a million dollars. No small amount- even for a republican senator. We've seen that it's unrealistic to think the republicans have any interest other than self interest, so lets go with that. Pay them.

So cheer up. Maybe the system is not broken. We're just looking at it the wrong way. Sometimes the smart move is to stop fighting your enemy and just pay him money. It's not like we haven't done it before. The Romans paid some of their enemies to get lost (called it tribute). We're even paying the Taliban to change sides. So why not pay republicans? Money means more to them than anything-more than the right to clean air and water, the right to competant health care, and a long list of human rights that every american should have. So wet their beek, as the mafioso once said.

Let's break the gridlock! Buy a republican!